Those of you who have lost a child, whether they lived years or minutes or were miscarried.?

When someone asks how many children you have, they are asking how many living children you have. You should say two. This is not to dismiss the fact that you lost one, but you still only have two right now. If you want to mention Deven..then I would say I have two children, and one that died at birth. Then the person can ask what happened, or not.